Category: caring

caring, compassion, Core Four, empathy, Love, RECK, respect

30 Ways to Counter Hate

Matthew Vasko

Nowadays, it seems that hate is everywhere. We might encounter it most on social media, but it sometimes rears its ugly head in conversations with family members and acquaintances. We might even encounter it on the street or in public places. Here, you will find 30 thoughtful ways to counter hate compiled from trusted sources like the United Nations and Southern Poverty Law Center. Read on!

1.      Report Offensive Content: The very first thing you can do online is report offensive content. If someone is speaking hate on a platform then let the people who run that platform know! On Facebook, for example, there are simple options you can click to report hate. Most places don’t want to support hate speech.

2.      Share Positive Stories: Counter hate speech with love speech. Share positive stories about targeted groups, and cultures other than your own.

3.      Fact-Check: Don’t hate the haters. It’s not constructive. Instead, counter their hate with facts. Fact-check misinformation and wrong-headed rhetoric. Provide reliable sources to back up your statements.

4.      React! Do not remain silent. Silence implies agreement. You have to speak up to let hateful people know that they are wrong and that you do not agree with them. Remain calm and logically state your case.

5.      Change the Narrative: Challenge hateful rhetoric and misinformation. Help ensure that hate is not the dominant narrative by sharing a positive message that spreads tolerance, equality, and truth.

6.      Stand up! Stand with people who are targeted by hate. When targeted groups march, march with them to show that we all have a responsibility to stand up against hate.

7.      Report Threats: Report threats of violence. Don’t take violent threats lightly, report them to the police. Authorities need to be made aware of threats of violence in order to take appropriate action.

8.      Advocate and Educate: Advocate for responsible and respectful speech and behavior. Share campaigns aimed at countering hate speech. Educate family and friends about our shared responsibility to stand up to hate.

9.      Commit. Join a nonprofit organization that works to counter hate in your community. Join UNICEF USA, Amnesty International, or your local chapter of the United Nations.

10. Celebrate Other Cultures: Attend festivals, community events, and film series that celebrate and honor cultures other than your own. Bring your children and teach them to love other cultures, too.

11. Teach kindness and tolerance: Prejudices are not innate – they are learned traits. Counter hate at an early age by teaching children to be kind, respectful, empathetic, and compassionate to all people.

12. Calmly ally: Stand up for others! If you see someone being bullied or attacked do what you can to disrupt it. Ask the person who is being targeted if they need help. Calmly ally with the person or call for help.

13. Be the First to Speak Up: Social psychology studies show that when situations erupt, people look around them for cues about how to respond. Give the people around you the cue that they need to speak up or take action when hate rears its ugly head.

14. Build Up Your Courage: Work on building up your courage. Take small steps, which will lead to larger and larger steps. Do one thing to stand up to hate and then another and another. Visualize yourself taking action in situations where no one else is, so if that type of situation presents itself you will be ready.

15. Ask for Help: Ask for help when you need it. Be careful not to put yourself in harm’s way and remember that there is safety in numbers. The more those of us who are speaking up ask others to join us the more people will be involved.

16. Find role models: Look at the people around you who are taking action and speaking up and join them or model your actions after theirs.

17. Make All Kinds of Friends! Make new friends with people who are different than you. Get to know all sorts of people and make friends with people who have different identities and backgrounds than your own.

18. Ask People What They Need: Wear a pin or button that shows solidarity with people targeted by hate. Let them know that you are their ally and ask them what they really need in terms of support. Some people say, “Be a co-conspirator or an accomplice.” This means to even go a step further than being an ally.

19. Press the mental pause button: Be careful about not getting so caught up in your own day or your own business that you accidentally ignore someone in need. When you see something happening, pause. Take a moment from your busy day and ask yourself, “Does that person need help?”

20. Support victims of hate: Let victims know you care. Surround them with love and care. Do whatever you can to help ensure that they do not become victims again.

21. Report Hate Crimes: If you are the victim of a hate crime, report it to the authorities. Be specific and share as many details as you can.

22. Speak up: If news reports are covering hate, ask for equal time to speak up on behalf of unity, equity, inclusion, and diversity.

23. Keep educating yourself: Make an effort to learn more about everything from the hate you are working to counter to the people and groups affected by that hate. Learn the difference between a hate crime and a bias incident.

24. Hold a Unity Rally: If a hate group is hosting a rally in your area then create an alternative event for people to attend. Draw the media’s attention away from the hate rally.

25. Pressure leaders: Write and call your government officials and encourage them to stand up for targeted groups. Some of them will need to overcome fear of taking action and others will need to overcome their own biases.

26. Stay engaged: This is something we all need to keep at. So, find ways to stay engaged with countering hate. Promote tolerance and acceptance. Follow “It Matters How We Treat One Another” on Facebook and Instagram. We share something almost every day that counters hate.

27. Host an EDI Event: Host an Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion Event! This is especially important if you are a middle, high school, or college student. You have the power to change hearts and minds. You will be reaching your peers at an age when they are most susceptible to hate groups.

28. Keep Working on Yourself: Search inside yourself. Do your own work to rid yourself of biases and stereotypes. This type of inner work is a long process and takes time and patience with ourselves. Keep at it.

29. Practice mindfulness and meditation: These practices can help us learn to remain calm in high-pressure situations. You will be happier with how you handle yourself when you are confronting hate if you are able to remain calm and not be provoked.

30. Keep Practicing Love: Finally, heed the words of the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., “Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate can not drive out hate, only love can do that.” As we often post on our page: We’ve got to love the hate out of this world! Keep practicing love and together we can create a more loving world and a brighter future for everyone.

Thanks for reading and keep fighting the good fight.

With love,

Matthew David Vasko

Founder, Century of Compassion

caring, connection

What Mass Shooters Forget

Matthew Vasko

Over the weekend we had another mass shooting. This time in Buffalo New York at a grocery store in a mostly Black neighborhood. The shooter was a racially motivated young white man in body armor. It was tragic. It was senseless. And I’m going to argue that it was preventable, but not in the way you might think.

See, here’s my perspective: Each day I see people in the media working to divide us and divide us and divide us. But you know what? We’re all just one big human family and no differences that divide us even matter one little bit. In the end we all want the same things: food, shelter, and to love and to be loved.

I’m sure that shooter in Buffalo was hurting. I’m sure things had transpired that had made him feel horrible about himself and his life. I’m sure that somewhere along the way he forgot the same thing that all of these mass killers forget. It is this: We are put on this earth to love and care for one another.

Think of all the things that shooter (who I won’t name) was missing out on. Think of how far wrong his life had gone. He’d become so warped that he had forgotten that he should have been spending his Saturday helping people in his own community instead of driving for hours to hurt people in another community. He’d forgotten his responsibility to others. He had forgotten our common humanity.

We are all human beings. We all share a common humanity. We need to stop letting our little differences separate us. There is no “us” and “them,” there is just us. We all are all we have. This is a true fact whether or not you believe in a higher power. We can pray to our higher power or powers and still it is us as individuals who need to act to care for one another and be there for one another.

Mass shooters have it all wrong. They are mentally ill based upon the very fact that they no longer see the humanity in other human beings. Anyone who sees people as anything less than beings to be loved and cared for is living in a very dark place in their mind indeed. They need help. They need help remembering that we all have inherent worth and dignity. They need help to love again. They need help to return to their proper senses.

Yes, mass killings of any scale are highly preventable. They will stop when we all learn to put our petty differences aside and love one another. They will stop when traditional and social media learn to work to help people see our common humanity and how wonderful the world can be when we all work together.

You can make a difference and that difference starts in your own heart. Do your best to love everyone. Do your best to see the similarities in someone who might at first seem very different than you. Do your best to go out into the world and make a positive difference in the world.

Much love to you,

Matthew Vasko

Founder, Century of Compassion

Acceptance, caring, connection

Countering Hate Speech with Love Speech for Asian Americans

Matthew Vasko

Hi! Your average white guy here. I just want to take a moment to speak some love in contrast to all the anti-Asian hate we are experiencing in the United States. I’m this guy who promotes compassion and other values for what I see as the betterment of humankind. But I’m also just a guy. I’m a husband and a father.

About 16 1/2 years ago my wife and I got the opportunity to move out of our noisy apartment in one part of Los Angeles into a nice townhome in a nicer neighborhood. The new neighborhood was mostly Asian American. We thought it would be interesting to be the minority in an area for the first time in our lives, and we really wanted that townhome, so we went for it.

It has been one of the best decisions we ever made. The folks in this neighborhood are so friendly and nice. It’s the first time since I was a child that I lived somewhere that I’ve really gotten to know my neighbors and become friends with them. This community that we’ve been living in for over 15 years now is about 75% Asian. The other 25% is a a mixture of races and we are among a handful of white people in our townhome complex.

I simply want to say… for what it’s worth… that Asian American people are lovely. We have had a wildly positive experience here. It’s quiet. People are friendly. We and our neighbors often exchange baked goods and lend one another tools. I once helped free one of my Korean American neighbors from his garage when his garage door bound up with him inside, and his wife once brought me some delicious soup when she heard I was home sick with the flu. We’re neighbors, and we’re neighborly.

During the time that we’ve lived here, my wife gave birth to boy/girl twins. They are 10-years-old now and all of the sweet senior Asian American women around us treat them like their own grandchildren, often bringing them gifts at the holidays. I even learned a little Korean from one woman’s granddaughter when she was visiting. She was about 6-years-old at the time and thought this was an activity she and I could do while my toddlers (whom she’d been playing with) were napping one day. I have many happy stories like these ones.

Oh, I probably also could mention that our landlord is Chinese American. He’s a good guy. He’s quick to get someone over when something breaks and he keeps the rent reasonable. We exchange Christmas cards each year.

My Dad came to visit soon after our twins were born. He’s a country guy and really does not care much for big cities. He was impressed with how quiet our place is. He said, “Heck, my place in the country is probably noisier than this, with cars going by and what-not” (our townhome is set back off the street). He also made a point of commenting on how there is a lot of diversity in our city, but people are friendly and really seem to get along with one another. It seemed like it gave him hope.

I’m convinced that we need to counter hate speech with love speech. And in the midst of all the upsetting anti-Asian hate we are seeing in the news I felt like I am in a somewhat unique position to say something positive on the subject. After all, not all average white guys live in a primarily Asian American neighborhood.

Be well,

Matthew Vasko

Founder, Century of Compassion

Acceptance, caring, compassion, connection, empathy, kindness, Love, RECK, respect, Tolerance, Uncategorized, Well-Being

“The Delightful Dozen” Values for Wellbeing

Matthew Vasko

The formula of Respect, Empathy, Compassion, and Kindness (RECK) came from a place of researching the essential things all people need in order to be well. The idea was that we should treat all people with RECK for the sake of their wellbeing and the prevention of harm. First I created a Facebook page called RECK Pact, which called people to pledge themselves to treat all people with RECK, all the time. This evolved into a rebranding of the page to RECK for All – putting the call right into the name.

Recently, I was reflecting upon how important tolerance, acceptance, and love (these three values come up in comments frequently) are, which led me to write this post. Around that same time, this reflection led me to rebrand our Facebook page once again to “It Matters How We Treat One Another.” This statement is an assertion I have made several times since starting our Facebook page and it always gets a highly positive response. This name change has received a positive response from the nice folks who follow the page.

Since making that change to the page I’ve been reflecting upon the all the things that help create positive interpersonal relations – all the things that foster good emotional health in individuals. So far, I’m up to 12.

Here are the Essential 12 AKA the “The Delightful Dozen”:

  1. Kindness – This is to have a basic level of tenderness for all people. It is healthy to be kind to people. It benefits and giver and the receiver.
  2. Respect – From granting basic human dignity to holding others in esteem. Often, I describe this as recognizing the fact that we all have struggled and we all have overcome hardships in our lives. It’s important to have at least a basic level of respect for people.
  3. Empathy – This is to feel with others. Our world would be radically changed for the better if we all made a greater effort to empathize with one another. Empathy builds understanding and even cooperation.
  4. Compassion – To feel another’s pain and desire to relieve that pain. Compassion is humanity’s greatest hope for a brighter future. May we all be well.
  5. Acceptance – To love people as their are. An acceptance of difference is akin to tolerance, so I have not chosen to list tolerance separately. Acceptance is tolerance taken to the next level of positivity.
  6. Love – This is to hold people close to your heart. Love creates a kinder and gentler world.
  7. Grace – This is basically to give people the benefit of the doubt. It is also the idea of believing that the individuals in our lives are basically good and well intentioned. This also includes forgiveness and letting go of hurt and resentments. Let others “off the hook.”
  8. Appreciation – From appreciating each person’s unique gifts to gratitude for the positive actions that people take, including the kind things they do for us.
  9. Integrity – People need to be able to feel like they can trust us to be truthful and dependable. It matters what we do even when no one is looking.
  10. Equity – Treat everyone as equal to you, neither above you nor below you. This is healthy for you and for them.
  11. Cooperation – Working together for the betterment of all. We don’t have to agree on everything in order to be able to cooperate and work together.
  12. Uplift – Joy, happiness, hope and humor. We all need hope and a little levity from time to time. Of course, it’s never appropriate to mock others. Everyone should be in on the joke. Humor can either lift people up or tear them down, so we must be careful with our humor.

That’s RECK turned to 11. Instead of looking at the most basic elements that everyone needs in order to be well, this is looking at all of the things people can do to help make others well and to improve our relationships.

I have to say that this is and has been a really exciting journey. It’s fun to think about all the things we can do to be well and help others be well. There’s so much suffering and struggle in the world, there is really no reason to compound it for one another. Let’s all help one another to be well!

Much love to you,

Matthew Vasko

Founder, Century of Compassion

caring, compassion

It’s Compassionate to Wear a Mask

Matthew Vasko

I’m struggling with the reality that wearing a mask during a viral pandemic has somehow become a political act. It truly doesn’t seem like it should be one. Here’s the simple fact of the matter: Wearing a mask will help protect others from catching the coronavirus if you have it (even if you are asymptomatic – meaning that you don’t know you have it, but you can give it to others). It’s not political; it’s medical science.

It’s the same reason that doctors and nurses have worn masks during surgery for a million years. They wear masks to protect the patient from their germs – not the other way around. Cloth masks are not worn to protect ourselves, they are worn to protect others from us.

Yet, somehow this fact of medical science has been politicized. Which is unfortunate, because here’s the thing: facts are just facts. They don’t pledge allegiance to a particular ideology or political party. They just are. And feeling like a fact is socialist doesn’t change the fact. It still is. And it’s not going to change simply because a person doesn’t like it very much.

And the fact that wearing a mask will help prevent you from giving the coronavirus to someone who might die from it makes wearing a mask an act of compassion. That is a truth. It is a truth based upon fact and it is unarguable. Wearing a mask says, “I care about you and I don’t want to make you sick.”

You might not like the truth that wearing a mask is an act of compassion and caring, but that doesn’t make it any less true. It still is. Caring about others is caring about others is caring about others. It doesn’t change based upon your political ideology.

Universal adherence to mask wearing will help slow the spread of the novel coronavirus. That’s a good thing. That’s a fact. If we all pitch in and do our part we can help to keep each other healthy. Yay us! Go humans!

So, please don’t think of wearing a mask as a liberal thing or a conservative thing. It’s neither. It is simply an act of compassion and caring that says, “I am doing my part to help keep us all as safe as possible during this pandemic.”

If it makes you feel better to wear a mask with an American flag on it, then do that. You can get one here. But wear a mask. Help to keep the most vulnerable among us safe. Be a hero. We believe in you.

As always, much love to you. Be well.

Matthew Vasko

Founder, Century of Compassion