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Love, Obliterate Hate

Obliterate Hate!

It’s time for the human species to evolve beyond hate. Historically speaking, there was probably a time when hate made sense as a defense mechanism. When we were tribal cultures, hate against our enemies probably helped to keep us vigilant and thus safer. Hate generated safety.

But now, when hate drives us to the brink of nuclear annihilation, I must ask quite simply: What’s the point? Hate seems to produce nothing but suffering, death, and destruction. In the interconnected world in which we now live, hate quite simply makes no sense.

Now is the time to turn the page on hate. It’s time to make it a thing of the past. Because the truth of the matter is this: If we can’t end hatred, then we will never have peace.

Differences can be resolved. People with dark intentions can be counseled and educated away from that path. There is no reason to go on hating. If we have problems with others, then let’s work them out. I mean this interpersonally and nationally. Let’s work our shit out!

Come on people! Let’s be honest. Hate is absurd. What good does it do you to go on hating others? Let it go! Find some inner freaking peace for goodness sake. There are 7.7 billion of us living on this blue marble and hating one another simply isn’t making life here more tolerable.

So, search your heart. Search your soul. Find ways to love through difference. Find ways to work it out. Because hate won’t do. Hate doesn’t get it done. Hate fixes nothing.

We need to turn to love and keep turning to love until all hate has been obliterated. And not just in others, but in our own hearts and minds. We can do this. We can build a better and brighter tomorrow.

Love to you. Always.

Matthew Vasko

Founder, Century of Compassion

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compassion, empathy, kindness, Love, respect

All You Need is RECK

Have you ever come home after a hard day in the grumpiest of moods? You walk in the door, greet your family with a grumble, and then proceed to bark, snap, and maybe even yell at them for the rest of the evening?

Once you are feeling better, you might wonder why you treated them that way. After all, they are the ones you love the most and you might have treated them worse than you treated anyone else all day. “Next time,” you think, “I resolve to do better.”

Love is a wonderful thing. We are fortunate when we have people in our lives whom we love and who love us in return. But there aren’t really any ground rules to love, are there? We sort of have to make it up as we go along and we can probably think of some examples of times when we feel like maybe we weren’t loved properly. Perhaps our parents loved us, but they were highly judgmental of us. Or perhaps we had a romantic partner who loved us, but was controlling.

We need to be careful about love, because love done improperly can be harmful and a source of pain. This is where RECK comes in. RECK stands for respect, empathy, compassion, and kindness. It can be helpful to roll those four values over in your mind while you are thinking about how you want to treat the people you love.

Personally, I believe that we should treat all people with respect, empathy, compassion, and kindness. And I believe most strongly that we should treat the people we love this way. This way, we will love them in a way that is tender and caring. We will love them in a way that heals and does not harm.

If you resolved to treat your family – the people you love the most – with RECK, then even when you come home on your very worst day in the grumpiest of moods, you will still be respectful, empathetic, compassionate, and kind towards them. You will still seek first to be gentle, because kindness and compassion call us to be gentle. You will not yell, or bark, or snap, you will give hugs and support.

The beauty of RECK is that it doesn’t simply say “love one another,” it tells us how to love one another. First, be respectful – don’t trample all over people’s feelings and concerns, have respect for them. Next, be empathetic – treat the people you love the way you sense they need to be treated, try to get an idea of what is going on with them. Then, have compassion – maybe the people you love had hard days too, maybe they need some tenderness and affection. Finally, and at all times, be kind – it can be challenging to be kind when we are in a bad mood, but it is possible – we need to learn to control our emotions instead of letting our emotions control us.

This is RECK. This is what it’s all about. Keep those four values at the front of your mind and I promise you that they will not let you down. They will help you build a better life – both for yourself and for the people you love.

With love,

Matthew Vasko

Founder, Century of Compassion

compassion, empathy, kindness, RECK, respect

Do You See All People As Equal?

I grew up in a small Middle American town and it seemed like there was always a lot of emphasis placed on social hierarchy. There was a lot of discussion about who was from “good” families and who was from “bad” families. People also seemed to struggle to elevate their station within that social structure. It seemed like people compared themselves to one another a lot. There was a great deal of concern about who was better than whom and why. People were ranked by the size of their homes, the clothes they wore, the type of car they drove, and on and on and on.

After college, I moved to larger cities. There seemed to be less of this – at least among my twenty-something friends. But it still existed based upon people’s ages and what types of jobs they had, clothes, cars, etc. It still existed within me, too. I found myself constantly comparing myself to others. Constantly wanting to do better, to be more, to “make something of myself.”

As I’ve gotten older – I’m in my mid-forties now, I’ve worked hard to shake off these types of feelings about myself and others. Now, I tend to gravitate towards or away from people based more on how strong of a connection I feel with them. I make an effort to decide whether or not I want to spend time with another person based upon the content of their character. I make a conscious effort to view all people as equal, despite all of the traditional markers I once thought I was supposed to use to measure people.

Recently, I started an interesting experiment. All day, every day, whenever I interacted with anyone I would say to myself “equal” as I looked at them. I would even picture the word EQUAL above their head. The results of my little experiment surprised me. I discovered that this practice caused me to slow down and take a deeper concern in people. Now, the server at the restaurant was not simply someone there to take my order and bring my food, but a whole person just like me who was equal to me in every way. They might be having a good day or a bad day. They have a full compliment of feelings and concerns, just like me. They are equal to me.

I found that the practice caused me to take more interest in people. I tended to engage them in more meaningful conversations. I wanted to get to know them a little bit, even if our time together was only temporary and maybe only to provide a service. My interactions were different. More thoughtful. deeper. More human.

Seeing people as equal to me has also been good for me in situations where the social hierarchy would place the other person above me. For example, with my boss or with respected members of the community. I’ve often found myself more at ease with them. I’m more apt to make a joke or tell a story. Again, to just be human with them.

This has been a healthy experiment. Letting go of social conventions and making an effort to see everyone as equal has not been the blow to my self esteem that I thought it might be. On the contrary, I have found that seeing everyone as equal has been healthy for my self esteem. If everyone is equal then I’m as good as anyone else. If everyone is equal then I can have more concern for everyone regardless of their class and when I care more about others I feel better about myself.

Do you view all people as equal to you? Do you view yourself as equal to all people? Maybe try my experiment and see how it changes the way you move through the world. Picture the word EQUAL hovering just above everyone’s heads and reflect upon how that changes the way you view them. Do it with everyone… the large person, the small person, the old person, the young person, and people of every skin color and style of dress. Everyone.

What if there was no social hierarchy? What if we all abandoned stacking ourselves up against one another? What if we truly treated all people with respect, empathy, compassion, and kindness? All people treating all people that way. It might truly transform the world.

Peace and good wishes to you always.

Matt

compassion, empathy, kindness, RECK, respect

A Brighter Future is Possible

What if…

What if we worked harder to understand people and meet them where they are?

What if instead of struggling to have our own way we made space for others to have their way once in a while?

What if we all put the well being of others ahead of our own self interests?

What if leaders of nations would work harder to resolve conflict than to drive conflict to the point of war?

What if everyone treated everyone else with respect, empathy, compassion, and kindness?

Humanity is so very driven toward advancements. Advancements in technology. Advancements in science. Advancements in medicine. It’s time that we make a major advancement in the way that we treat one another. Century of Compassion and RECK are about this kind of advancement. A brighter future is possible, and it’s going to take all of humanity learning to treat one another a little better.

Just as we strive never to accept the status quo with regard to medicine, science, and technology, we must not settle for the status quo with regard to how we treat one another. It’s time to raise the bar. We can do better.

This century is still young. There is time to turn it around. And we need to spread the word. RECK is an acronym that stands for respect, empathy, compassion, and kindness. With these four key ingredients we can and will create a better tomorrow.

There is no need for war. There is no need for genocide. There is no need for starvation and other forms of human suffering. There are 7.7 billion of us living on this planet and we need to learn to take better care of one another.

We need to start from a place of respect. Respect others so much that you would never think of doing harm to them. Then, move on to empathy. Learn to empathize with others so that you want them to be well and have the same things you have. This will drive you to compassion. Have true compassion for everyone and help to relieve any suffering that they might be experiencing. Finally, be kind. Yes, kindness matters. We all have it within us to be able to be kind to all people, we simply need the will to express it.

Keep striving. Keep working for a better future. We’ve got this. We can do this! We can make a small difference every moment of every day by how we treat those around us and we can make a big difference over time by helping to spread the message of RECK.

So, join the RECK Pact movement on Facebook. Volunteer for a local charity that addresses a cause you are passionate about. You can make a difference. The future is in our hands. Onward.

respect

Why We Should Respect All People

I’m a big advocate for respecting all people all of the time. As such, I am often talking about respect and posting to social media about it. The other day I had someone come back at me with, “Respect must be earned. I don’t believe that we should respect anyone ‘just because.'” It wasn’t the first time I had heard this. Since becoming an advocate for respecting all people I have heard that criticism in some form multiple times. And I believe it’s a fair criticism. To be completely honest, I also don’t believe we should respect anyone “just because.”

Still, I believe we should respect all people. All of the time. And I believe we should do it for several reasons. Here are my top three…

First and foremost, I believe that respect is something we all desire. No matter who we are or what our station in life might be, we all long to be respected. Why? I think it has to do with one of our most basic needs – the need to believe that we have the right to exist; that we have inherent worth. And I believe that all people truly do have inherent worth. We all have value. Life is precious and simply by being alive we matter. And for that reason we deserve respect.

Second, I believe that being respectful towards everyone helps to create a more civil society. Think about it. When we treat people respectfully we treat them with some dignity. We do not scorn them or scream at them. We speak to them. We reason with them. Respect matters. And it matters because respecting everyone helps to create a society where we treat one another as equals. By respecting others we are saying to them, “You matter enough to me for me to give you my attention, my patience, and my words in a kind and articulate way.” Respect matters, because it helps to build the kind of world we want to live in.

Finally, giving everyone at least some basic level of respect helps to preserve the sanctity of life. In order for me to remain confident that I want to treat all people with respect, all I need to do is reflect upon what a world without respect looks like. Lack of respect leads to negative human interactions such as prejudice, sexism, racism, and more. Disrespect on a large enough scale can be seen to contribute to horrors like genocide and racial cleansing. During the 20th century, eugenics took root from a disrespect for certain types of human beings. Disrespect is destructive. Respect must be maintained in order for the sanctity of life to be maintained.

So there it is. Three succinct reasons to respect all people all of the time, which add up to a whole lot more than “just because.” Here’s that same list in an even shorter form:

  1. Respect affirms everyone’s inherent worth.
  2. Respect helps to create a more civil society.
  3. Respect helps to preserve the sanctity of life.

So, keep on respecting. Spread respect far and wide. Have respect for all and encourage your children and grandchildren (if you have them) to respect everyone. Help others learn from your example. Respect matters. Respect makes a difference. Respect is the foundation upon which strong relationships can be built. Keep striving. Together we can build a brighter future.

Matthew Vasko

Founder & CEO, Century of Compassion

Love, Tolerance

Why We Must Reject White Nationalism

The United States has seen an increase in White Nationalism in recent years. It is made manifest in the Alt-Right movement, an increase in hate crimes, and an uptick in hate and bias in schools.

Just because White Nationalism is on the rise though does not make it proper or correct. We must reject White Nationalism due to the fact that it is based upon a false premise. White Nationalism assumes that some group of factors ascribed to someone’s appearance makes them somehow superior to others who look differently. This is absurd!

Take skin color for instance. We know based upon scientific fact that melanin determines skin color. The more melanin you have in your skin the darker your skin color will appear. End of story. We can’t ascribe any attributes to a person based upon their skin color other than they have more melanin. The amount of melanin in your skin has nothing to do with your intelligence, your values, or anything else. I am a white male and to say that I am somehow superior because I have less melanin in my skin is preposterous and – frankly – silly. Therefore, White Nationalism or White Supremacy of any kind is simply wrong-headed.

We must all own the fact that all people are generally the same. No matter what our skin color, religion, sexual orientation, or anything else, we all want and need food and shelter, we all want to love and be loved, and we all want to be respected and to be free to live our best lives. We are not so different. We should love everyone no matter what they look like, where they come from, whom they love, or  what their religion.

Look for the similarities in others. Find ways to empathize with everyone with whom you come in contact. I promise you will find that we all have a great deal more in common than we have in difference. Open your mind and heart to loving all people and you will find that we are truly one great sibling-hood of humanity. 

I say all of this and I must add that I do not and will not hate White Nationalists and White Supremacists. They’re not unredeemably bad people. They’re simply wrong. I believe that with time and with enough love we can change their hearts and minds.

Over time we will prove that we are all quite similar. Peace is possible. But it will take time and a great deal of love. So keep loving! Keep extending respect, empathy, compassion, and kindness to all people. The world will be the better for it, and so will you.

Matthew Vasko

Founder & CEO, Century of Compassion

compassion, empathy, kindness, Love, respect

How to Fix America

From sea to shining sea, The United States of America has a problem. We see it made manifest in school and church shootings, in protests that erupt into violence, and in small ways in confrontations on our social media feeds. America has a hate problem.

In recent years, we Americans have divided ourselves into smaller and smaller groups based upon a variety of factors from race to class to political affiliation. It is creating a growing us vs. them mentality that is pitting brothers against brothers and daughters against mothers. Americans are drawing lines in the sand and painting everyone on the other side of the lines as their enemies.

If our current pattern of behavior continues unabated the result will be only greater and greater acts of violence that could lead to an all-out civil war. There is no doubt that our divisions are pulling us apart from the inside. We need to break the pattern of violence and hate, but how?

The first thing we need to do is to stop making enemies of one another. I believe this starts by refusing to think of each other as enemies. The problem with thinking of people as your enemy is that you start imagining them doing all sorts of horrible things which escalates your internal hatred of them. Prophetic thinkers such as Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. realized that in order to maintain a nonviolent attitude we must not think of people as our enemies, even when they are in clear opposition to us. We need to separate the people from the negative value or principle we associate with them. For example, people who hold racist views are not my enemy: racism is my enemy.

We must fight the internal struggle to love all people regardless of what those people might think or believe. People can change and we need to give them the freedom to do that by separating them from the thing about them we oppose. We need to realize that we have more in common with everyone than not – even with people who are in opposition to us.

What I mean is this. We human beings really aren’t all that much different. We all want the same things. We want to be respected and loved, we want people in our lives whom we value and love, and we want sustenance, security and shelter. Yes, there are things that divide us, but there are universal wants and needs that we all share in common.

We need to continue to seek out the commonalities with one another and stop dwelling so much upon our differences. We need to have meaningful dialogue with people who are different than us and get past our differences to find our commonalities. The more we seek out the commonalities with one another the more we will empathize with one another and the more that we will care for one another. Through empathy and caring, love can overpower hate, but it takes time and meaningful dialogue.

Sharpen these four tools and keep them in your toolbox. They are respect, empathy, compassion, and kindness.

Show respect to all people – even people whose philosophies you oppose. Remember that you need to give respect in order to get respect. Give it freely and hope for it in return. Show that you are a big enough person to be able to have respect for all – even those who are in opposition to you.

Look for similarities between yourself and others in order to find ways to empathize with them. Know that empathy is possible with everyone. We are all human beings and we share so much in common. Know in your heart that you are more alike than you are different from every single person on the planet.

Reach out to everyone with compassion. Know that all people suffer. It is a simple fact of life. To live is to suffer and therefore we can all identify with and have compassion for the suffering in others. Having compassion for other’s suffering can cause them to reframe how they view you. Perhaps they will find you to be a good person and learn to love you.

Finally, move through the world with an attitude of kindness. We humans tend to undervalue kindness, but kindness can lay a foundation for all sorts of positive interactions. Entering into difficult conversations with a mindset to maintain an attitude of respect and kindness toward the other person can help you overcome a lot of obstacles and keep the conversation cool and comfortable for both parties.

So, there it is. America has a hate problem. But we can overcome hate by refusing to make enemies of one another and approaching each other with an attitude of respect, empathy, compassion, and kindness. Love truly can overpower hate, but it takes vigilance and a great deal of self control. Keep on reaching out into the world with love and you certainly will change hearts and minds.

Matthew Vasko

Founder & CEO, Century of Compassion