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caring, compassion, Core Four, empathy, Love, RECK, respect

30 Ways to Counter Hate

Matthew Vasko

Nowadays, it seems that hate is everywhere. We might encounter it most on social media, but it sometimes rears its ugly head in conversations with family members and acquaintances. We might even encounter it on the street or in public places. Here, you will find 30 thoughtful ways to counter hate compiled from trusted sources like the United Nations and Southern Poverty Law Center. Read on!

1.      Report Offensive Content: The very first thing you can do online is report offensive content. If someone is speaking hate on a platform then let the people who run that platform know! On Facebook, for example, there are simple options you can click to report hate. Most places don’t want to support hate speech.

2.      Share Positive Stories: Counter hate speech with love speech. Share positive stories about targeted groups, and cultures other than your own.

3.      Fact-Check: Don’t hate the haters. It’s not constructive. Instead, counter their hate with facts. Fact-check misinformation and wrong-headed rhetoric. Provide reliable sources to back up your statements.

4.      React! Do not remain silent. Silence implies agreement. You have to speak up to let hateful people know that they are wrong and that you do not agree with them. Remain calm and logically state your case.

5.      Change the Narrative: Challenge hateful rhetoric and misinformation. Help ensure that hate is not the dominant narrative by sharing a positive message that spreads tolerance, equality, and truth.

6.      Stand up! Stand with people who are targeted by hate. When targeted groups march, march with them to show that we all have a responsibility to stand up against hate.

7.      Report Threats: Report threats of violence. Don’t take violent threats lightly, report them to the police. Authorities need to be made aware of threats of violence in order to take appropriate action.

8.      Advocate and Educate: Advocate for responsible and respectful speech and behavior. Share campaigns aimed at countering hate speech. Educate family and friends about our shared responsibility to stand up to hate.

9.      Commit. Join a nonprofit organization that works to counter hate in your community. Join UNICEF USA, Amnesty International, or your local chapter of the United Nations.

10. Celebrate Other Cultures: Attend festivals, community events, and film series that celebrate and honor cultures other than your own. Bring your children and teach them to love other cultures, too.

11. Teach kindness and tolerance: Prejudices are not innate – they are learned traits. Counter hate at an early age by teaching children to be kind, respectful, empathetic, and compassionate to all people.

12. Calmly ally: Stand up for others! If you see someone being bullied or attacked do what you can to disrupt it. Ask the person who is being targeted if they need help. Calmly ally with the person or call for help.

13. Be the First to Speak Up: Social psychology studies show that when situations erupt, people look around them for cues about how to respond. Give the people around you the cue that they need to speak up or take action when hate rears its ugly head.

14. Build Up Your Courage: Work on building up your courage. Take small steps, which will lead to larger and larger steps. Do one thing to stand up to hate and then another and another. Visualize yourself taking action in situations where no one else is, so if that type of situation presents itself you will be ready.

15. Ask for Help: Ask for help when you need it. Be careful not to put yourself in harm’s way and remember that there is safety in numbers. The more those of us who are speaking up ask others to join us the more people will be involved.

16. Find role models: Look at the people around you who are taking action and speaking up and join them or model your actions after theirs.

17. Make All Kinds of Friends! Make new friends with people who are different than you. Get to know all sorts of people and make friends with people who have different identities and backgrounds than your own.

18. Ask People What They Need: Wear a pin or button that shows solidarity with people targeted by hate. Let them know that you are their ally and ask them what they really need in terms of support. Some people say, “Be a co-conspirator or an accomplice.” This means to even go a step further than being an ally.

19. Press the mental pause button: Be careful about not getting so caught up in your own day or your own business that you accidentally ignore someone in need. When you see something happening, pause. Take a moment from your busy day and ask yourself, “Does that person need help?”

20. Support victims of hate: Let victims know you care. Surround them with love and care. Do whatever you can to help ensure that they do not become victims again.

21. Report Hate Crimes: If you are the victim of a hate crime, report it to the authorities. Be specific and share as many details as you can.

22. Speak up: If news reports are covering hate, ask for equal time to speak up on behalf of unity, equity, inclusion, and diversity.

23. Keep educating yourself: Make an effort to learn more about everything from the hate you are working to counter to the people and groups affected by that hate. Learn the difference between a hate crime and a bias incident.

24. Hold a Unity Rally: If a hate group is hosting a rally in your area then create an alternative event for people to attend. Draw the media’s attention away from the hate rally.

25. Pressure leaders: Write and call your government officials and encourage them to stand up for targeted groups. Some of them will need to overcome fear of taking action and others will need to overcome their own biases.

26. Stay engaged: This is something we all need to keep at. So, find ways to stay engaged with countering hate. Promote tolerance and acceptance. Follow “It Matters How We Treat One Another” on Facebook and Instagram. We share something almost every day that counters hate.

27. Host an EDI Event: Host an Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion Event! This is especially important if you are a middle, high school, or college student. You have the power to change hearts and minds. You will be reaching your peers at an age when they are most susceptible to hate groups.

28. Keep Working on Yourself: Search inside yourself. Do your own work to rid yourself of biases and stereotypes. This type of inner work is a long process and takes time and patience with ourselves. Keep at it.

29. Practice mindfulness and meditation: These practices can help us learn to remain calm in high-pressure situations. You will be happier with how you handle yourself when you are confronting hate if you are able to remain calm and not be provoked.

30. Keep Practicing Love: Finally, heed the words of the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., “Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate can not drive out hate, only love can do that.” As we often post on our page: We’ve got to love the hate out of this world! Keep practicing love and together we can create a more loving world and a brighter future for everyone.

Thanks for reading and keep fighting the good fight.

With love,

Matthew David Vasko

Founder, Century of Compassion

peace, Uncategorized, Well-Being

War Is An Interpersonal Problem

Matthew Vasko

When you stop and think about it, war is, at its root, an interpersonal problem. Consider it. Wars start because a couple of people – leaders – were unable to resolve their differences peacefully.

This gives us a very different perception of war, doesn’t it? Rather than thinking of war as some inevitable clash between powers, it lays bare the fact that if people in leadership would simply slow down and take more time to resolve differences amicably, then wars could quickly become a thing of the past.

Wars always end in negotiations. So why not just skip the killing and bloodshed and go straight to negotiations? This is how we create a world of peace: We teach our leaders that we want peaceful resolutions to conflict. We make them work their shit out.

Wherever there are people, it seems, there will always be conflict. Still, conflict can be resolved through sitting down and talking until resolution is achieved. The results might be different than if armed battle occurred before the talking, but maybe not by much.

For example, after World War II, national boundaries returned pretty much right back to the way they were before the war. Russia is at war with Ukraine now, but after the war is over – after however many years – the international community with see to it that Russia returns Ukraine’s territory back to them. And how many more lives must be taken before that happens?

It’s time that citizens start to speak up more loudly that we want an end to armed conflict. We need to tell our leaders that the time has come to negotiate peaceful resolutions to problems rather than constant war and death.

It’s going to take a body like the UN working to draft a Universal Declaration of Peace and then setting up a neutral location for nations to negotiate peace in order for this change to happen.

It probably sounds like science fiction, but it just might be achievable in our lifetimes. The world is changing rapidly. Communication is better than ever. With the proper political will, lasting peace can and will be achieved. We just have to want it badly enough to prioritize peace over war.

All the best,

Matthew Vasko

Founder, Century of Compassion

Photo Credit: VectorStock

meaning, Uncategorized, Well-Being

10 Ways to Add Meaning to Life

Matthew Vasko

It’s common to be moving through life, doing your best to balance all your responsibilities and enjoy what leisure time you have and still be fighting a constant nagging feeling that something is missing. That thing, we often find, is a greater sense of meaning.

With that in mind, here is a list of 10 things you can do to add greater meaning to your life. Effort has been made to make these items that are accessible, doable, and that do not require major life changes.

1. Slow Down – Making an effort to slow our pace can help us become more aware of moments that might otherwise be lost to us. Pay attention to your surroundings and observe details like a colorful wild flower or beautiful sunset.

2. Appreciate the Little Things – Our days are filled with beautiful little moments if we make an effort to appreciate them. Smelling the coffee grounds while we are making our morning coffee can help provoke meaningful connection to the Earth, listening to the song of a bird can help lift our spirits, and so on.

3. Brighten Someone’s Day – Whenever you feel like you don’t matter, go and do something kind for someone else. You will quickly be reminded that you very much matter and that what you do matters.

4. Be of Service – This is similar to the last one, but on a grander scale. Volunteer in a soup kitchen, plant some trees, paint a community center… Acts of altruism pay us back many times over with the meaning that they add to our lives.

5. Practice Mindfulness – Studies show that a regular mindfulness practice can lift our mood and help us make meaning of otherwise mundane tasks. One such practice is mindful eating. Rather than simply shoveling the food in, pay close attention to your eating. Smell the food, notice how it feels in your mouth, really take the time to taste it, and reflect upon how the food’s ingredients were grown, picked, cooked, etc. All of these things combined make eating more meaningful and less just something you do every day.

6. Ask People How They Are Doing And Really Mean It – Take the time to show someone you care about them by asking them how they are and really listening to their answer. If they say they’re just “OK” then unpack that. Why are they just OK? What’s bringing them down? Can you be of assistance? You’ll be surprised how taking the time to care deeply about others will help make your life more meaningful.

7. Tell People How Much They Mean to You – It’s easy to think that people know how highly we think of them, but the fact is that people don’t know unless we tell them. And you might be surprised how hard people can be on themselves. Everyone likes to hear nice things about themselves. This one will add more meaning to your life and theirs.

8. Write a Thank You Note – This one is like the last one on steroids. Imagine what it would mean to you to know that you made a difference in someone’s life. You possess the power to make that happen for someone else! Write to someone who has made a positive impact in your life and let them know how you feel. It will be meaningful for you both.

9. Be Affectionate – Touch can be powerful. And affectionate touch can be highly meaningful. Keep in mind that consent is vital, but if the other person views it positively then affection is a wonderful way to add meaning to healthy relationships.

10. Discover Your Passions! – Is there anything you’re passionate about? If not, then you’re simply not getting to most out of life. Keep searching until you find one or two things that really excite you. Participating in engaging activities or hobbies can add mounds of meaning to our lives. It doesn’t have to be expensive; maybe you’re passion is hiking, biking, or volunteering. The important thing is to do things that matter to you and live it up!

All the best,

Matthew Vasko

Founder, Century of Compassion

family, Uncategorized, Values

What if Everyone Was a Billionaire?

Matthew Vasko

If you were to interact with a billionaire, do you think you would treat them in a special way? It seems like society conditions us to treat wealthy people better than the average person – especially if that wealthy person can do something for us, like patronize our business.

If you think you would treat a billionaire better than the average person then here is an interesting mental exercise for you: For a whole day, treat everyone like they are a billionaire.

This could be a highly enlightening experience. Perhaps you will find yourself giving everyone more of your time and attention. Maybe you will suddenly find everyone a whole lot more interesting. Maybe everyone’s problems will seem more important. Who knows!

Really though, when it comes right down to it, there is no difference between billionaires and everyone else. Well, except that we love and care about the regular people in our lives and we probably don’t even know any billionaires. And the people we see everyday probably care about us. So, what are we saving it for? Why don’t we treat the people we know and care about as well as we would treat billionaires?

The people we love most and who love us are truly priceless. So we should treat them the best of anyone. In the grand scheme of things, they’re better for our overall well-being than any billionaire will probably ever be.

Try the exercise, see if it changes the way you treat others, and then report back! I’d love to read your comments.

With love,

Matthew Vasko

Founder, Century of Compassion

Love

Love Adds Meaning to Life

Matthew Vasko

People sometimes ask me what is the meaning of life. I’ve pondered this question for much of my life and more and more I feel like the answer has to do with love. I think it goes something like this: We exist to love others and to be loved in return, and it is this love which gives life meaning.

Fred Rogers once said, “It all comes down to love. Love or the lack of it.” Isn’t that the truth? Think of all the times that your life was shaped by love or the lack of it.

So, love. All kinds of love. Romantic love, familial love, the love that exists between good friends, the love we extend to strangers… all this love. It gives life meaning. Certainly if it is not the meaning of life then it at least certainly adds meaning to life. It begs the question… why aren’t we better at it? Why don’t we spend more time teaching it?

There are five key ingredients to loving people and loving them well. They are kindness, respect, empathy, compassion, and acceptance. That last one is the hardest, but it also helps to generate unconditional love, which is the greatest love we can give.

Think for a moment about about kindness. This is the low bar of love. Being kind when your aim is to be loving is the very least you can do. Somehow, however, we can sometimes manage to be the least kind to the people we love the most. We use up all our kindness out in the world and then by the time we get home our kindness tanks are on empty. We need to be sure to save some kindness for those who matter most to us.

Respect is a true test of love. You’ve got to give people respect if you love them. This simple fact is sometimes lost on people, but the fact is that a lack of respect can result in some of the greatest injuries in life. This is a big one we need to teach our children – if you want to be loving towards someone be sure to be respectful towards them (even siblings!). A lack of respect always feels like the opposite of love, and respect is always well received.

Empathy is the human trait that is all too often undervalued. Feeling like those who love us truly “get” us is a magical feeling. Empathy is the key that unlocks connection. When we empathize with others it allows us to form deeper and stronger connections that can last a lifetime. Believe it of not, empathy is especially important with young children. We need to remember that we were little once and the world was once big, scary, and often overwhelming. With little ones we need to slow down, be patient, and do our best to empathize with their big feelings.

And this brings us to acceptance. To accept others exactly as they are is powerful and often can even be healing. Every person – universally – does better when they experience acceptance, especially from their immediate family. Love that includes accepting people as they are is the definition of unconstitutional love. This is the greatest kind of love and the love that many people long for. Everyone needs love and acceptance.

So there you have it. Love adds meaning to life. And the better we love people the better off they are. Do your best to love those in your life with kindness, respect, empathy, compassion, and acceptance, and you will be loving them in the best way possible.

With love,

Matthew Vasko,

Founder, Century of Compassion