Category: RECK

caring, compassion, Core Four, empathy, Love, RECK, respect

30 Ways to Counter Hate

Matthew Vasko

Nowadays, it seems that hate is everywhere. We might encounter it most on social media, but it sometimes rears its ugly head in conversations with family members and acquaintances. We might even encounter it on the street or in public places. Here, you will find 30 thoughtful ways to counter hate compiled from trusted sources like the United Nations and Southern Poverty Law Center. Read on!

1.      Report Offensive Content: The very first thing you can do online is report offensive content. If someone is speaking hate on a platform then let the people who run that platform know! On Facebook, for example, there are simple options you can click to report hate. Most places don’t want to support hate speech.

2.      Share Positive Stories: Counter hate speech with love speech. Share positive stories about targeted groups, and cultures other than your own.

3.      Fact-Check: Don’t hate the haters. It’s not constructive. Instead, counter their hate with facts. Fact-check misinformation and wrong-headed rhetoric. Provide reliable sources to back up your statements.

4.      React! Do not remain silent. Silence implies agreement. You have to speak up to let hateful people know that they are wrong and that you do not agree with them. Remain calm and logically state your case.

5.      Change the Narrative: Challenge hateful rhetoric and misinformation. Help ensure that hate is not the dominant narrative by sharing a positive message that spreads tolerance, equality, and truth.

6.      Stand up! Stand with people who are targeted by hate. When targeted groups march, march with them to show that we all have a responsibility to stand up against hate.

7.      Report Threats: Report threats of violence. Don’t take violent threats lightly, report them to the police. Authorities need to be made aware of threats of violence in order to take appropriate action.

8.      Advocate and Educate: Advocate for responsible and respectful speech and behavior. Share campaigns aimed at countering hate speech. Educate family and friends about our shared responsibility to stand up to hate.

9.      Commit. Join a nonprofit organization that works to counter hate in your community. Join UNICEF USA, Amnesty International, or your local chapter of the United Nations.

10. Celebrate Other Cultures: Attend festivals, community events, and film series that celebrate and honor cultures other than your own. Bring your children and teach them to love other cultures, too.

11. Teach kindness and tolerance: Prejudices are not innate – they are learned traits. Counter hate at an early age by teaching children to be kind, respectful, empathetic, and compassionate to all people.

12. Calmly ally: Stand up for others! If you see someone being bullied or attacked do what you can to disrupt it. Ask the person who is being targeted if they need help. Calmly ally with the person or call for help.

13. Be the First to Speak Up: Social psychology studies show that when situations erupt, people look around them for cues about how to respond. Give the people around you the cue that they need to speak up or take action when hate rears its ugly head.

14. Build Up Your Courage: Work on building up your courage. Take small steps, which will lead to larger and larger steps. Do one thing to stand up to hate and then another and another. Visualize yourself taking action in situations where no one else is, so if that type of situation presents itself you will be ready.

15. Ask for Help: Ask for help when you need it. Be careful not to put yourself in harm’s way and remember that there is safety in numbers. The more those of us who are speaking up ask others to join us the more people will be involved.

16. Find role models: Look at the people around you who are taking action and speaking up and join them or model your actions after theirs.

17. Make All Kinds of Friends! Make new friends with people who are different than you. Get to know all sorts of people and make friends with people who have different identities and backgrounds than your own.

18. Ask People What They Need: Wear a pin or button that shows solidarity with people targeted by hate. Let them know that you are their ally and ask them what they really need in terms of support. Some people say, “Be a co-conspirator or an accomplice.” This means to even go a step further than being an ally.

19. Press the mental pause button: Be careful about not getting so caught up in your own day or your own business that you accidentally ignore someone in need. When you see something happening, pause. Take a moment from your busy day and ask yourself, “Does that person need help?”

20. Support victims of hate: Let victims know you care. Surround them with love and care. Do whatever you can to help ensure that they do not become victims again.

21. Report Hate Crimes: If you are the victim of a hate crime, report it to the authorities. Be specific and share as many details as you can.

22. Speak up: If news reports are covering hate, ask for equal time to speak up on behalf of unity, equity, inclusion, and diversity.

23. Keep educating yourself: Make an effort to learn more about everything from the hate you are working to counter to the people and groups affected by that hate. Learn the difference between a hate crime and a bias incident.

24. Hold a Unity Rally: If a hate group is hosting a rally in your area then create an alternative event for people to attend. Draw the media’s attention away from the hate rally.

25. Pressure leaders: Write and call your government officials and encourage them to stand up for targeted groups. Some of them will need to overcome fear of taking action and others will need to overcome their own biases.

26. Stay engaged: This is something we all need to keep at. So, find ways to stay engaged with countering hate. Promote tolerance and acceptance. Follow “It Matters How We Treat One Another” on Facebook and Instagram. We share something almost every day that counters hate.

27. Host an EDI Event: Host an Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion Event! This is especially important if you are a middle, high school, or college student. You have the power to change hearts and minds. You will be reaching your peers at an age when they are most susceptible to hate groups.

28. Keep Working on Yourself: Search inside yourself. Do your own work to rid yourself of biases and stereotypes. This type of inner work is a long process and takes time and patience with ourselves. Keep at it.

29. Practice mindfulness and meditation: These practices can help us learn to remain calm in high-pressure situations. You will be happier with how you handle yourself when you are confronting hate if you are able to remain calm and not be provoked.

30. Keep Practicing Love: Finally, heed the words of the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., “Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate can not drive out hate, only love can do that.” As we often post on our page: We’ve got to love the hate out of this world! Keep practicing love and together we can create a more loving world and a brighter future for everyone.

Thanks for reading and keep fighting the good fight.

With love,

Matthew David Vasko

Founder, Century of Compassion

kindness, RECK, Values, Well-Being

If You Care And Are Kind Then You Make A Positive Difference!

Matthew Vasko

Some of you might look at the title of this post and think, “Well, of course.” But there is a chance that this simple fact might not be obvious to you as it was once not obvious to me. Going back about 16 years, I got the idea to start hosting volunteer events each month as a way to help people make a positive difference in the world. My theory was that, like me, there were probably lots of people who wanted to do good in the world, but simply didn’t know where to start.

Over the years, I’ve come to see that how people simply move through the world makes a big difference in the lives of those with whom they interact. I think when I was younger I was more of the mind that only big acts made any real difference in the world. However, I have come to see that everything we do every day – the kind of person we choose to be and how we choose to treat others – makes a difference.

So, I have come to the conclusion that if you care and are kind then you make a positive difference in the world. If you care about others as you go about your daily routine, taking the time to really see people and really hear people, then I am absolutely certain that you are making a difference. A little kindness goes a long way, and spreading kindness as you go about your day has a really profound and positive effect on all of the people with whom you interact.

When we watch the news, I think we are often left with the feeling that the world is a really tough place and there are some pretty terrible things that happen. Yet, when we get out into the world we often see that it is a beautiful place and that kind, caring, compassionate, and loving things often happen. This is the culture that I wish to build upon and expand. And chances are that if you are reading this then you probably feel the same way.

We can contribute to and help build a culture of kindness, respect, empathy, and compassion by simply living those values in our daily lives. Sure, the big good things matter too. It’s good to volunteer at the local food bank and donate to worthy causes. Still, you can have a major impact on this world based simply upon how you interact with the people in your life. Be kind to the cashier, help your elder neighbor carry in the groceries, and love your family with all you’ve got. They’re worth it. You’re worth it. And the world is worth it.

Much love to you,

Matthew Vasko

Founder, Century of Compassion

Acceptance, caring, compassion, connection, empathy, kindness, Love, RECK, respect, Tolerance, Uncategorized, Well-Being

“The Delightful Dozen” Values for Wellbeing

Matthew Vasko

The formula of Respect, Empathy, Compassion, and Kindness (RECK) came from a place of researching the essential things all people need in order to be well. The idea was that we should treat all people with RECK for the sake of their wellbeing and the prevention of harm. First I created a Facebook page called RECK Pact, which called people to pledge themselves to treat all people with RECK, all the time. This evolved into a rebranding of the page to RECK for All – putting the call right into the name.

Recently, I was reflecting upon how important tolerance, acceptance, and love (these three values come up in comments frequently) are, which led me to write this post. Around that same time, this reflection led me to rebrand our Facebook page once again to “It Matters How We Treat One Another.” This statement is an assertion I have made several times since starting our Facebook page and it always gets a highly positive response. This name change has received a positive response from the nice folks who follow the page.

Since making that change to the page I’ve been reflecting upon the all the things that help create positive interpersonal relations – all the things that foster good emotional health in individuals. So far, I’m up to 12.

Here are the Essential 12 AKA the “The Delightful Dozen”:

  1. Kindness – This is to have a basic level of tenderness for all people. It is healthy to be kind to people. It benefits and giver and the receiver.
  2. Respect – From granting basic human dignity to holding others in esteem. Often, I describe this as recognizing the fact that we all have struggled and we all have overcome hardships in our lives. It’s important to have at least a basic level of respect for people.
  3. Empathy – This is to feel with others. Our world would be radically changed for the better if we all made a greater effort to empathize with one another. Empathy builds understanding and even cooperation.
  4. Compassion – To feel another’s pain and desire to relieve that pain. Compassion is humanity’s greatest hope for a brighter future. May we all be well.
  5. Acceptance – To love people as their are. An acceptance of difference is akin to tolerance, so I have not chosen to list tolerance separately. Acceptance is tolerance taken to the next level of positivity.
  6. Love – This is to hold people close to your heart. Love creates a kinder and gentler world.
  7. Grace – This is basically to give people the benefit of the doubt. It is also the idea of believing that the individuals in our lives are basically good and well intentioned. This also includes forgiveness and letting go of hurt and resentments. Let others “off the hook.”
  8. Appreciation – From appreciating each person’s unique gifts to gratitude for the positive actions that people take, including the kind things they do for us.
  9. Integrity – People need to be able to feel like they can trust us to be truthful and dependable. It matters what we do even when no one is looking.
  10. Equity – Treat everyone as equal to you, neither above you nor below you. This is healthy for you and for them.
  11. Cooperation – Working together for the betterment of all. We don’t have to agree on everything in order to be able to cooperate and work together.
  12. Uplift – Joy, happiness, hope and humor. We all need hope and a little levity from time to time. Of course, it’s never appropriate to mock others. Everyone should be in on the joke. Humor can either lift people up or tear them down, so we must be careful with our humor.

That’s RECK turned to 11. Instead of looking at the most basic elements that everyone needs in order to be well, this is looking at all of the things people can do to help make others well and to improve our relationships.

I have to say that this is and has been a really exciting journey. It’s fun to think about all the things we can do to be well and help others be well. There’s so much suffering and struggle in the world, there is really no reason to compound it for one another. Let’s all help one another to be well!

Much love to you,

Matthew Vasko

Founder, Century of Compassion

Acceptance, compassion, empathy, kindness, Love, RECK, respect, Tolerance

RECK, Tolerance, Acceptance, and Love

Matthew Vasko

It might seem silly to read this, but I spent almost 15 years developing the concept of RECK (Respect, Empathy, Compassion, and Kindness) for All. It’s such a simple concept, and I think some people look at it and say, “Yes, for course we should all treat one another that way.” But that’s part of what took so long. I spent a lot of time debating that which is essential that we need to give to all people, and that which we are realistically able to give to all people.

There are three elements that I’ve strongly considered including or did include in RECK at some point and time. Originally, I included Tolerance. But I discovered that tolerance is a fraught value for many people. Some people think of tolerance as too much to ask. Or maybe that tolerance also included tolerating ugly things like hatred and abuse. For others, they thought we should do better than tolerance; we should truly accept one another. Acceptance in beautiful, but can we accept child abuse for example? No. Most certainly not.

Those are the first two, tolerance and acceptance. The third value is love. Love seems like such a no-brainer for me, because I grew up admiring the teachings for Jesus and his concept of universal love. But the fact of the matter is that some people simply do not know how to love properly. Many people have been harmed by love that seeks to control or manipulate… harmed by forms of love that do harm.

So, here we are… RECK for All. Respect, Empathy, Compassion, and Kindness for all people. I often think of RECK as a pathway to loving people properly. Plus, respect combined with empathy and kindness can lead to greater tolerance and acceptance.

The more I think about it, and the more RECK is tempered in the fires of real world use, the more I feel like it is enough. It is good. Yes, let’s improve our tolerance. Yes, let’s be more accepting of one another. And yes, by all means, let’s make an effort to love one another better… and RECK is the tool we can use to help us achieve those things.

All the best to you,

Matthew Vasko

Founder, Century of Compassion

RECK, respect

May Cooler Heads Prevail; God Bless America

Matthew Vasko

It’s tricky to navigate the issue of the events that transpired yesterday in Washington, D.C. from the perspective of respect, empathy, compassion, and kindness for all (RECK for all). It’s hard to hold everyone’s perspective in mind, because there seem to be so many perspectives. I want to open by saying that I mourn for the four lives lost; one woman was shot by Capitol Police and three people died from undisclosed emergency medical situations. I am deeply saddened by all of this. May they rest in peace.

Next, I want to say that we are all Americans. We all love our country, and we all want what is best for it. While I will always condone nonviolent protest as a form of free speech, I must admit that I believe that entering the Capitol Building was taking things too far. Sadly, I believe that January 6, 2021 will be viewed as a dark day in U.S. history, by future generations.

Standing back and making an effort to view this situation with objectivity, I believe that it’s time for us to call for everyone to treat one another with more respect. As Americans, we should have respect for our democratic institutions. We should have respect for one another. Let’s make an effort not to demonize one another. We are not enemies. Again, we are all Americans.

In times of deep unrest in seems almost comical to speak about love. But the facts are the facts and they do not change. The fact has been and remains that we should all make a greater effort to love one another. We need to look past partisanship and find ways to discover common ground. It was reassuring last night to listen to the proceedings on the radio once congress was back in session and hear our congress people working together for the good of the country. We need more of that.

Let’s let yesterday stand as the high-water mark for how heated things became in this Presidential election season. From here, let’s make an effort to cool things off. Let’s all work to help cooler heads prevail, and may those cooler heads be our own.

With love,

Matthew Vasko

Founder, Century of Compassion